Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
