His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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