i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
