you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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