You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
