The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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