is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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