Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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