just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
