If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
