Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
