Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize