You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
