Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Everyone says I win the strip club
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
