You made me cry and you don't even care
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
