I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
