I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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