It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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