Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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