"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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