5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
