One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
