"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
