Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
