the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
