Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
