Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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