I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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