note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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