Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
