alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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