I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
