My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
