On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
