you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
