There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
