He is an equal opportunity slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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