I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
