Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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