Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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