then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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