how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
