So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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