and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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