My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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