3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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