Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
