Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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