I think my vagina is haunted
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
