Someone shit on the floor
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
