Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
