dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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