i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would ride that face into the sunset
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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