My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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