how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
