youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize