Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need a beard to bite.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm always down for nudity.
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