I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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