The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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