So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
