my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
