I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
