Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
