I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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