I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
