can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize