Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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