Kiss
Puke
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize