A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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