well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
