Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize