god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
