He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
