I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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